Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. – Ephesians 4:29
“Well, I’m not sure what we’re gonna do this summer if we can’t go rafting.” My husband sighed as he plopped down beside me on the couch.
“What are you talking about? Why can’t we raft?” My mind sorted through the various potential mishaps that may have capped our summer fun. Too many work trips? A sudden cluster of forest fires? A tear in the boat?
“You said after last year, you didn’t wanna go.”
Quickly, my brain chased down the stored file of our recent conversation. Scanning, scanning… Nope. Pretty sure I didn’t say anything about not wanting to raft this season. What I did say was that I still felt freaked out about being on the water after our brush with death on last year’s end-of-summer trip.
Oh.
Hmm.
Houston, we have a fairly large miscommunication problem. And a reoccurring one, I might add. This was not the first time my husband mistook one of my many hyperbolic comments as an ultimatum about my desires and expectations. In fact, in the last month alone, I’ve somehow given him the impression that I don’t want to go rafting, want to find another church, and plan to throw every technological device we own into the garbage — none of which reflects my actual intentions.
Naturally, the faulty frequency lies on his side, right? I was simply expressing my thoughts and concerns. I’m an out-loud processor, which means I need to verbally brain dump in order to root through my own feelings. It’s how God made me! And we’re supposed to share our inmost thoughts with our partners. Am I supposed to hold back and sit quietly in the name of keeping peace?
“For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks… [and] people will give account for every careless word spoken.” – Jesus (Matthew 12:33-37)
Oof.
From the same mouth come blessing and cursing... this should not be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? – Paul (James 3:10-11)
Yowza.
All at once, I realized that my “out loud processing” is nothing but a fancy label to justify fear, doubt, and complaining. Over the past year, I’ve watched this negativity, however “innocently” spouted, affect the way my kids feel about their school and the way my husband feels about church. And they are all relative newcomers to a faith I have professed since plush velvet pants and one-strapping your overalls were considered cool.
Lord, have mercy. What have I done?
The first step to living in the truth is seeing it for what it is. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for guiding us toward such necessary revelations, however troubling and ugly. It isn’t meant to lead us into shame spirals and mouths full of soul-soothing cookie dough. We aren’t going to be left in this trash heap. Nor are we expected to heave ourselves out of this pit by our own brute strength of will.
Now that I see a truly glaring blind spot in my mirror, I know better how to pray. Holy Spirit, renew my mind.1 Guide my thoughts and actions according to the truth and peace promised in your word.2 May I bring every wayward fear, anxiety, and concern to you first, filtering out the negativity before unleashing it upon my family. May the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.3
My rock and my redeemer. The strength that will bolster me to victory, and the merciful Maker who can redeem every mistake.
I have come to believe that my own verbal processing approach was simply a cover for resisting what scripture commands of us: to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ;4 to lay every anxiety on Him, because he cares for us.5 Indeed, immediately following this last verse, Peter warns us that the devil is prowling around looking for a weakened mind to devour.
As much as I may want to complain and bemoan certain situations, thereby bringing everyone in my orbit into commiseration with my woes, that is not the behavior to which the Spirit calls and empowers us. It is not the behavior I want to see in my own kids. Therefore, I need to model something better. Thank God we have His very breath within us to make that hope a reality.
Onward to victory!
the dirty laundry show 
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